A New Speech for our Mos Tone Def President

Now President Obama is calling for a spending freeze for most social programs, with increased spending for the military and defense-related projects.

And here I was, confusing him with a Democrat.

Who would have guessed a year ago that this man would prove to be just another clueless hack, writing and starring in the next round of gut-churning Republican advertisements and being their most effective "change agent," only not the kind he envisioned?

The President should be saying every day, in every way, from every podium in the nation, that the Democrats are the party that saved the nation from calamity after the Republicans, with eight years of one-party-control bliss - almost sent us careening over the edge of the world.

THAT is the message. I wish this president had the courage of say... John Stewart or Al Franken.

I bring you now to a podium in a crowded gym somewhere in America. President Obama scans the crowd, smiles into the cameras, and begins:

"We saved the country!"

He looks deep into the cameras and speaks in the round, measured, pitch-perfect tones he employed in his campaign so long ago, when fear of real disaster actually woke the people up from the narcotic haze of Republican-fueled patriotism, fear, and consumerism in which we were mired neck-deep.

"Republicans on Wall Street took your home and your job, ruined your retirement in an enormous thirty-year shell game, got filthier rich than you can ever imagine, and now they want you to believe that WE are irresponsible - because we dared to step in and clean up their mess?! Nuh- UNH America, I KNOW you're not stupid enough to fall for that!"

(We may need to presidentialize and de-blackify that statement a little, but you get the idea.)

"Remember the Weapons of Mass Destruction that weren't there, and how we lost a war in one country to go into another, and sent our children to die in Iraq for no good reason?!"

"My predecessor and his people tortured prisoners, guilty and innocent alike, giving Al Qaeda the best recruiting tool they could imagine, AND every other gift on their wish list for eight long years! But thanks to us, the world respects us again!"

"Now they want to say I failed to bring bipartisanship to Washington? Do you really believe that? That I - ME - that I alone failed to bring them to the table?! If you believe that, America, I don't want your vote, give it to Sarah Palin. But thankfully, you are ALL too smart to fall for that line, AGAIN."

"They wanted health care to be my Waterloo, for the agenda you voted me in on to fail! Not ONE SINGLE REPUBLICAN voted against the insurance industry. Not ONE voted against the pharmaceutical industry. Not ONE voted to reduce the deficit by billions AND insure millions of uninsured Americans in one stroke of my pen."

"But they'd have you believe it is my agenda that is the dangerous one. Don't believe that either. Because it's YOUR agenda, America, the one we fought for, and won for, and I will not let go down in flames, as God is my witness!"

"They told you that living wills were death panels. Did you believe THAT?! Of course not. We all want our elderly family members to tell us their wishes if they should become too ill to speak for themselves. I'm proud of the legislation that would help them do that. But these disingenuous opponents of public health turned that into 'death panels'." Are we going to stand for that? Why, these lying Republicans ALL have living wills of their own, as do I and millions of common-sense Americans who care about their parents and grandparents, and their children, who will make those hard choices if we do not do it first in a living will, and don't want needless suffering and expense at the end of life."

"Noooo, no, America. You have got to stand UP. Stand UP with ME and tell them, 'I am not the dumb patsy I was when you lied to me for eight long years of war and busted banks, and ruined futures. I am NOT the scared xenophobe you led around by the nose and tricked into giving up my civil liberties, and in whose name you tortured prisoners and destroyed two hundred years of self-respect as a nation.'"

"Hell NO!"

"They will NOT do this again!"

"I will throw my body into the line of fire to protect YOU, my fellow citizens, from retreating back into those dark days!"

"Hell, NO, America! Stand together, and stand with me, and stand up for the things we fought together for a year ago!"