If You Can't Be With The Nation You Love, Love The Intern You're With (or: Moral Lessons from the Newt Gingrich Traveling Hypocrisy Show)

The more Gingrich talks, the more I like him. He's yet another Right-wing gift that keeps on giving.

Remember a lifetime ago, when this patriotic genius tried to convince the world that, al Qaeda be damned, it was really plump, comely interns who were the real threat to our nation?

Apparently, back in '92, when Newt set his sights on President Bill Clinton for impeachment, and started scouting for an issue or scandal upon which to hang his scheme, the bright idea came to him in a flash: infidelity and lies... if I'm unfit for office, maybe the President is, too!

He set out, a lonely man on a grand fishing expedition, not to catch a nice big trout - an accomplishment that George W. Bush would later describe as his greatest moment as President - but to snare the popular young Man from Hope, his Southern rival for the affections of the nation, in a lie under oath.

Since the man hadn't broken any laws (you mean he didn't kill Vince Foster with his bare hands and make it look like suicide?), and there would therefore be no juicy criminal case, the House GOP needed the kind of embarrassingly private civil suit that produces a lie or two about marital infidelities during a sworn deposition. That, and a sympathetic echo chamber to amplify the idea that a president who would tell such lies about a long-ended affair, under oath, during a non-criminal court case, is therefore capable of telling any lies, capable of any heinous act of treason imaginable.

"It's the principle of the thing," Gingrich intoned somberly, that forced him to act, to rescue our fragile rosebud nation from the dripping jaws of the big, bad, lustful wolf.

It becomes clearer over time that he got the idea for all this from his own divorce cases, which required he give testimony about his infidelities under oath. Since Gingrich has no qualms about forgiving people (read: himself) for their infidelities, as long as they're related to the "passion" of patriotism, we can only conclude that his anger at Clinton only comes from jealousy.

He was just sore at Bill Clinton for getting his hand in the White House cookie jar first!

I can't wait for this turd to run for President. November is very close to Christmas, and, for this moment in time at least, he is indeed the Gift That Keeps On Giving.